Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
I don't even know where to begin where God has taken me in the last month. I'm officially in Cedar Falls, which has been incredible. It has definitely been an adjustment. Very little is the same as it was before. There is more responsibility at work. More responsibility in my heart. For finances, for family, for myself. Discipline really is difficult sometimes.
I now live with a dear friend of mine, Her name is Haley & we met in 2008 when we both lived in the dorms. We lived across the hall from each other on UNI's campus.
To be perfectly honest, besides that, I don't even know how to describe life. I am learning a lot about being satisfied with what God has for me. Which is hard, because it requires sacrifice.
Which is so ridiculous. Being the fact that Jesus sacrificed his life for me. & I can't give up my tiny qualms with the details of where my time is spent, Or where my money goes.
My goodness.
To go back to the song lyrics up top, they are from O Holy Night.
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
I don't know about you, But during Christmas, the world doesn't quite seem at peace. It seems the opposite. Families fighting over gifts, People stressing out about how they are going to get by financially. This Christmas, I'm praying that we can feel his peace. & that your souls may have rest. Take 5 minutes out of your day, to meet with the King of Kings. It will bring you to peace, that's for sure.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
How incredible is these lines? How many of us have seen what the chains of oppression can do. Addiction, Anger, Depression. The list goes on. Now, how many have seen God's redeeming power at work. That is the reason Jesus was born into this world. To save us from our chains. To set us free.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Lastly, The fact that we owe him so much more then we can give. He has so much love for us, we can give him all of ourselves, Which is so much less then he deserves, & He says he will give us rest. I want to give my life for that.
I don't know if you know the song the little drummer boy. But I want that to be my lifesong this Christmas. Giving all I have to Him. Even when I feel I have nothing.
Little Baby. I am a poor boy too. I have no gift to bring. That's fit to give the King.
Shall I play for you. On my drum?
Mary nodded. The ox and lamb kept time. I played my drum for Him. I played my best for Him.
Then He smiled at me, Me and my drum.
Be blessed this Christmas season. You are dearly loved.
Oh man. Life gets so crazy, so fast! To catch people up, I am moving back to Cedar Falls. On November 30th (After I drop my brother off at the airport) I have a job & housing lined up! (Thanks big G) :]
My brother is home for a month. It has been interesting to have him around again. Very strange.
My little sister is 13 now. What?! Who allowed that to happen?
And in the midst of this, I've maintained to be selfish as ever, Lacking in my discipline. And generally ignoring Jesus. It's been....... interesting.
Why is it when things are going great, We forget (or ignore) who made it so? I once heard someone talk about the fact, That 3rd world countries are more spiritual, Because they must rely on their faith, To meet basic needs. I want to blatantly say.... I haven't been doing it.
Man. Why is so much easier to fake it. Fake being faithful, Or even faking feelings. Why is it easier to manipulate, Then tell the truth & pony up? Because that would take effort. Sacrifice, Humility & Discipline. And who wants that....
I do. I truly do. But I've been SO lazy lately. There have been incredible things that God has done. I say thanks & move on. Not taking a second to think of how blessed I am. Or taking the amount of time God deserves, To worship him with all of me. I have been worshiping, just not nearly enough. And society tells me it's okay, Because I've been so busy.
I stand to say, It's NOT alright to neglect an all loving God. Who sacrificed His son. So we can live in such sweet relationship with him. Sometimes I feel like such a phony, When I think about how big God's love & forgiveness is, And that I'm called to do the same. I can say I'm dealing with stuff, people, & emotions. Admitting it is easy. It's the actually dealing with & pushing through, that is the issue.
So from here, I pray. Pray for forgiveness for being such a jerk. Pray for grace for the times I fail. Pray for perseverance when I feel like I can't do it. Because I'm not doing any of this alone.
None of us are.
There is a love so sweet, That all of this is just wiped away if we ask Him. Well I"m asking. Are you?
"Grace can be defined as unconditional acceptance, granted to an undeserving person by an un-obligated giver." - Tullian Tchividjian
So I was reading Stuff Christians Like this morning, (Check out the blog HERE) (Check out Jon's twitter HERE) And it was talking about fear of the word religion.
I don't know if you've done it in the past, But I know I have on so many occasions it's disgusting. Someone says, "I have a question for you. You're religious, Right?" And you respond, "I'm not religious.... I'm a Christian."
It talks in the blog how, that does not make a difference person. Think about it. If they are asking a question that pertains to faith, Then they may not know the difference. If anything, you may make them feel guilty for not knowing the difference.
It made me ponder.... That is all I'm going to say about that today. It is something to think about. Just a disclaimer, today's blog is going to be random. Life has been crazy. I don't even know if I can explain it. I love it. It's the crazy where you have time to really live. Not a busyness, but an adventure. At the same time, I'm really facing my pride. It is rearing it's ugly head. The pride that tells you, You know everything. That you don't need anyone's advice.
Jesus is really working on my heart on it though. He is so faithful. No matter how full of myself I am. He humbles my heart, & speaks words of love and grace.
God is so undeniably good.
Random notes. I went on a hike the other day, & in nature, God really reminded me of His glory. He made every tree, Every rock. And He made them to cry out to Him. How incredible is that?
Also, I went to see The Almost. (Check them out HERE) It was funny, because there were only about 50 people at the show. At most :P But there were like 5 people getting down. Everyone else just stood there, But then they busted out the worship stuff, The atmosphere changed so much. It's like everyone woke up. It was truly beautiful to see, God's children dancing & praising him. So sweet.
:D :D :D My twin brother, Matt, comes home from the U.S. Air Force in 18 days. I'm so ridiculously excited. He will be back for a month, Then he is going to Japan for 3 years. That's a long time. Thank you Jesus for Skype!
Be blessed in your week, And remember you have a Jesus who loves you!
Psalm 37:3-7 (NIV) 3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Psalm 37:3-7 (The Message)
3-4 Get insurance with God and do a good deed, settle down and stick to your last. Keep company with God, get in on the best. 5-6 Open up before God, keep nothing back; he'll do whatever needs to be done: He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon. 7 Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him. Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top
For those of you who read my last blog, You know that I was in a really dry place in my life. Well, that has changed. :] :] :] God woke my heart up & thawed it to what beauty he has.
First of all, I wasn't going to be able to be a youth leader on Wednesday nights, Because of some understandable things at work. It was disappointing to say the least, but I understood. Well, I knew God had a plan, & I knew not to be overly upset. Things worked out, without complaining from me to my boss, And I got Wednesdays off because we had a staff come back to the house! That was an amazing gift! Youth has been bananas lately too. Kids are coming out with issues that need to be cared for. Addiction, Un-forgiveness, Physical injury. & As leaders, we are praying for them, And trusting Jesus with them, & trusting him to guide us as leaders. (Have I mentioned how much I love youth ministry???) Check out the youth facebook page HERE!
As a tiny add on, I confronted someone. Not in the angry kind of confronting. But the loving kind, where you honestly want better for the person. "Carefrontational" I did so, & I expected anger and hard feelings. I got love, respect, & gratitude. It was incredible. I love true friendship!
Secondly, I got an internship with The Spirit. (Check them out HERE!) I love it. I am learning a lot & it is really reminding me how great it feels to serve others. I litterally walked in and asked if they needed an intern. They said yes, three weeks later, here I am. 4 days into the internship, & learning more and more about Jesus, culture & music. Lovely.
Lastly, I got to go to Cedar Falls last weekend. It didn't turn out at ALL the way I expected it to at all. I ended up staying with a dear friend of mine & her kids. It was a total blast & it definitely blessed my heart.
I should probably go back to doing intern things now :P Remember how much Jesus loves you! Love & Blessings, Sammee Bean
Turn look, look out and see Do You see me? Cause I think I see You I've been some other place The wind that I chase it all just leads back to You Oh how I'm still, so still It's so bearing, but still I ran I knew You when I was young But where am I now that I'm a man
Run to You, I will run, I will run I will move right on through all these things that I have done and You'll take me back, I don't know why I wanna say I'll never do it again But I can't, but I will try -- The Rocket Summer
These have been the words of my heart lately. Confused. Almost complacent. There are so many things that are not going my way. Which makes me want to tantrum better then any toddler you've ever seen.
I am still grateful for all I've been given, but I've been acting like a child lately. Let's start with Bethany College of Missions. (Click on the link to get more info!) I've been accepted. And I was confused on when to go. January '11 or August '11. I prayed about it, & got confirmation to leave in August. Then I went for a visit. To say the least, my heart broke. It was incredible. It is very obviously where God wants me. But God has me waiting for a waiting, and I need to accept that. Not as a failure, or a roadblock. But, as a blessing. Even the story of how I got to visit is crazy. (It's too long to explain here though. :] If you'd like to know, contact me) I also got to see one of my best friends in the universe. Laura Henny. (Check her thoughts out on tumblr HERE!) We went out after the college visit, to do ministry in downtown Minneapolis. Yet again, I let myself get in the way. Things didn't go as expected. Which I took as a failure initially. But Jesus ended up breaking through, And we ended up getting to pray for some people & worshiping in the streets. It was incredible. There is so much more from that day trip that I can't even explain. Pictures on the way there, while we were there, & back. :]
I've been working on my discipline. Something I'm not notorious for in any sense. I am trying to stay in the Word daily. As well as exercising daily. I have not exceeded in either yet. But, I am really trusting God that He will put these on my heart. For my emotional, physical, and spiritual health. We'll see how that turns out. I'll keep you posted.
I have been sick since last Friday also. I went to the doc, and she gave me some meds, And told me to rest for two days. I also had a friend pray for me. I feel like I may be on the mend, which is exciting. But, I had to miss two shifts at work *short shifts thankfully*. I feel like God needed my attention. He got it. :] I love it when he does that. It's funny how he uses things like illness to call us out.
The last thing... On the way to Minneapolis, Shelly & I both felt compelled to protest Westboro Baptist Chuch @ UNI. Check out the event >!HERE!>
God did redeem the night, though. I ended up going to BASIC on campus w/ my dear friend Haley. It ended up being incredible.
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forske you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." Deut. 31:8
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:17
So SOS Midwest is over & done. And with it go many amazing things. This year, in my opinion, was the best year yet!
Robbie Dawkins was the guest speaker. His teachings were profound and inspiring. You can learn more about him HERE. We watched a documentary called "Furious Love", And it really rocked my world. Here's a preview....
This year we focused ALOT more on prayer during outreach, And did some street ministry. I had my first experience with being used to help heal people, From physical illness & injury. I can't even explain at what magnitude God moved. The worship was incredible & prayer ministry time was even better. There were people delivered from demonic forces, And kids accepting Jesus. It was ridiculous.
Ironically enough, the theme this year was Ridiculous Love. :] There was no sleep to be had, therefore as leaders, had to rely on God to even function. It was awesome! I'll break down the days a bit. Just to let you know, when I talk about outreaches, I'm talking about the ones just the team I was leading went on (The Fat Penguins). There were a multitude of other outreaches.
Saturday: For an outreach, we helped a woman who had fibromyalgia. Don't know what that is? Click the word to find out more. We cleaned up her yard, by weeding, cleaning windows & trimming brush. As a team, I helped teach prayer ministry. The kids did some exercises and really rocked it. They got words for each other & really got to know a bit more of Jesus character. & then got the opportunity to pray for the woman & her friend. It was great. We also went to the mall in Waterloo & pray for people. :]
Sunday: We went to church as a group, then got the opportunity to go out on another outreach. This day, we went on a "prayer walk" with another church. We walked around Waterloo, and prayed for people & just talked with them. The kids got an opportunity to pray for each other, and we saw one of them healed of back pain. It was awesome!
Monday: We went to local businesses in Waterloo and cleaned toilets. We were on a REALLY tight time constraint, so we only got to do one, But we got to pray with the woman and hear a bit of her story. This was adventure day. For my adventure, I chose a v0ideo scavenger hunt. It turned out to be SO much more. God showed up, Showing all of us just how powerful he was. We thought we'd start doing a random thing, a freestyle. We went to Little Cesars Pizza and asked if we could go outside and dance with their sign. They let us, and it was a total blast. We decided to get the hardest thing on the list out of the way. Get on the radio and say the word "Christian" in a positive manner. So we went to the KNWS studios (Life 101.9), and thought we'd give it a try. At to most we figured they'd tell us to go & call in later. BUT, they absolutely let us do it, and even let us all pray for them. After that, we went downtown Cedar Falls, to ask some questions. We were set out to ask about what people REALLY thought of Christians. Expecting to find people who would at least bash Christians, But, no one agreed to be filmed. We were all a little discouraged to say the least. We got to the 15 passenger van, and it would start. We tried 3 times with 2 different people. We then prayed over the van & tried again. No dice. So, we decided to make it a "freestyle" for the game. As soon as Sam, a girl from the team, turned on the camera it started. There was serious celebration happening at that point. So, we decided to go to Chuck E. Cheese to get another thing done, Sing I'm a little tea pot with motions. Extra points if you could get an employee in on it. We got there and they told us they were too busy cleaning. So, by suggestion of my friend Laura, we went to a nail salon, to do another freestyle. Which irritated me, for some reason, I just really doubted anything would work. We got there, and decided to have the only guy in the group to paint his pinkie pink. They agreed to it, then offered to do the rest of them for free. So they did, and they let us pray over them. We ended up leaving some money with them, Just to bless their business. After that, we went to Dollar Tree & got party hats. As we were walking out, we saw a woman who had been cooking for S.O.S. Which means food for 250 people. So we prayed with her. :] We went to a Amigos Mexican Restaurant & went to do the 'teapot' mission. We accomplished it, along with getting some fried ice cream. Laura and another couple kids went to start the van, while we paid. We went out to find Laura's mom outside & an non-starting van. Laura later explained that her mom just happened to be with her sister at the chiropractor. Which was in the same building. Just as Jesus would do crazy things with spit, Kim (Laura's mom) poured soda on the battery, And the van started. It was crazy. To end it, everyone jumped in a swimming pool fully clothed. That night was an incredible ministry time, with kids getting healed form demons. I got to be a part of a couple of people who helped heal a girls knee. She had been in a brace for months & was missing on her summer. It was incredible.
Tuesday: Everyone was EXHAUSTED! That morning, the entire conference was informed That some dear friends of mind, who are having their first baby, Hadn't felt the baby move in a couple days. So we all prayed for them, The pastor from that towns daughter got a text from her mom, Saying they found the heartbeat. But, they were going to keep the dr. appt. We went to the fire station in Cedar Falls, and dropped off a care basket for the fire fighters. We got the opportunity to pray for them. One of the guys was extremely grateful, For the support of other believers. We got back & prepared to go to Lost Island Water Park in Waterloo. At that point everyone was informed the baby was perfectly healthy!!! We went to the water park & played. There was a young lady there who had had back pain for a while, So yet again we prayed & God showed up. He healed her completely. The worship was off the wall that night too. Everyone ended up on stage.
God is SO good when we choose to listen to what He's saying. I all too often forget that.
Jesus loves you (& so do I!) No matter where you are, have been, or will go. ♥
PS- As most of you know, I had a thing about people touching my collar bone. One of the students at SOS suggested I get it prayed for. Which I did. I don't have a thing with people touching my collar bone anymore. :D :D :D Just sayin.
How is it that we think we know how something will happen, Then God totally blind sides us? Not in a negative light, But in an amazing transforming way.
The last 4 weeks have been incredible. I became a youth leader again. I am going to be a leader at SOS this year, (I'll explain SOS a little bit later) God is working on my selfish heart. I saw alot of family I've been missing, And made alot of friends. There has been some CRAZY things. Laura, one of my best friends, came home from a mission trip in Scotland. I just can't even explain how many things are changing.
It's an absolutely indescribable feeling.
Before I go on, let me explain SOS. SOS stands for Summer of Service. It is at Heartland Vineyard Church in Cedar Falls, IA. It is half mission trip, half summer camp. It has insane worship, great ministry time, outreach, and fun. Students & leaders alike, lives are transformed. It is an amazing thing to be apart of. You can check out more HERE.
It is inspiring to see so many people, Living for Jesus. :] :] :] I really don't have alot to say about the last month, Beside I have sunshine in my heart. Warming me, Teaching me, Bending me, Shining on the dark parts.
I'm not saying I've been perfect. This month I've had a challenging attitude. I've been selfish, And lied. But I'm taking the forgiveness I've accepted, & running with it.
Finally, forward motion is being made. Finally, it feels like my world might is in a healthy balance. Finally, I am TRULY trusting God. Finally, I am living my life.
Dang, Dang.
Why is it we struggle & struggle, fighting with God, ourselves, & everyone around us. Until we are so tired that we don't want to move. Or feel, or make progress, for fear it will be so painful, That we just stop?
For myself, I did so for the past couple of years. Burning people as I go. Saying I'm listening, but convinced in my own head, That I am right, and I am doing things the right way.
Ha ha ha.
Obviously that worked for me.
But, we have a faithful God. Who no matter how prideful, or angry, or loveless, or unforgiving we are, He will take us back.
My life as of late (6 months) Has been challenging. Spiritually, physically, mentally, & emotionally. But, at the spot I am currently at, I feel like I'm worlds away from where I have been before.
Some updates:
Home life: I moved out of my parents on June 1st. I moved into my own apartment. Alone. With no internet. Or cable. & It feels incredible. I can focus on God & reading. I feel like life is less complicated. It is a beautiful thing I am going through. Being grown up. My parents are incredible too. With their grace, for my inconsiderate self.
Job life: I currently have 3 jobs, Soon to be 2. I work at RuffaloCODY as a janitor for 4 hours a week. At Subway as a sandwich artist. At Systems Unlimited as a "counselor" for people with special needs. Subway isn't working out the hottest. So at first it was a rash decision, but then decided that I should pray about it. I prayed and prayed, & I believe that I am supposed to quit. On May 3rd I started at Systems Unlimited. I get to help people with special needs. The company is fantastic. They are about making people independent. Not just doing it for them. I am blessed with the new people in my life. Staff & the individuals. Oh man. I love it.
School life: YES! School life. For those of you who don't know, I got accepted to Bethany College of Missions. (Check it out here) I will be going for my A.A. in Global Ministry. I don't know when I'm going. I'm currently praying on it. I am thinking at the earliest January 2011, At the latest, August 2011. If you feel led, please pray over this decision. :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] Also, I have to take a ton of classes for Systems. They are really interesting.
Random note: I have finished 2 books in the last 2 months. My 30 Days Under the Overpass by: Mike Yankoski It was a devotional that I found cleaning Ruffalo. It was wedged between the game shelves & the wall. Just sayin, the devo kicked me in the teeth. It was challenging & it made me think. It was awesome. If you need a good devo, go crazy & do this one.
The second book is Under the Overpass, by Mike Yankoski It is the book the devo was based off of. It is an autobiography of a guy who chose to be homeless for 5 months. It made me cry way more then once. It really opens your eyes to things that you can be doing, As the body of Christ, that we have been neglecting. Again, a kick in the teeth :]
Lastly, I've been reading The Irrisistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I started it a couple months ago, but I didn't finish it. So I'm starting completely over. Good stuff.
I feel super productive lately. Life has been really fruitful.
Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)
17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17 (New American Standard Bible)
17"The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
I feel at peace with life currently. & that is a great feeling.
If you could pray for the school decision & My friend Laura, who is currently on her way to Scotland for a mission trip, That would be greatly appreciated.
Bradley Hathaway never ceases to encourage & astound me. His newest EP, A Thousand Angry Panthers, is another beautiful work from Bradley. It has deep, creative lyrics such as:
I saw in the forest her enemies. The giants, the ogres, the evil trees. But I never realized so sadly, They were ordinary beings, like me.
It is surely another piece of genius. The songs are intricate stories. The music behind the words, are just as lovely.
I would rate it 5 out of 5 stars! :]
A Thousand Angry Panthers is available on iTunes now.
Bradley has 3 more albums available on iTunes as well. A Mouth Full of Dust The Things That Poets Write About All the Hits So Far, But Don't Expect too Much. (Which you can buy on Amazon with the book of poems as well)
You can check out more of Bradley Hathaway's work HERE!
As you may or may not know To Write Love on Her Arms has made a huge impact on my life. Throughout jr. & high school I dealt with cutting, depression, & anxiety. I talked to counselors, which helped tremendously but I still felt alone. One day at youth group a youth leader had mentioned TWLOHA to me. From there I got plugged into a community of people who knew what I was going through. They do amazing things for people all over. By buying a shirt you can support this amazing organization. You can purchase the 'Wild Things' <-- & many others @ http://www.zambooie.com/twloha/
If you would like to learn more information, Or you, or someone you know needs help, Check outTWLOHA
Two other GREAT resources if you are dealing with other addictions, Such as eating disorders, internet addiction, and the list goes on, Check out Heart Support
1. to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish: to restore order 2. to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition. 3. to to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor. 4. to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, ect. :to restore the king to his throne. 5. to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost)
I have been feeling so lackluster lately. Apathetic even. God has really captured my heart these last couple weeks. The end of April & this first week in May, Have been probably the most productive I have had in months.
I went to see the Rock & Worship Roadshow. They had 8 artist performing, including: David Crowder, Family Force 5, Remedy Drive & a variety of others. It was really fun. In that, I found a group of college aged kids. Who have a Bible study on the Kirkwood Campus, & also have small group in their home. God has really moved from the encounters I have had with these people. A couple months ago, I was attending a different small group. Unfortunately with my work schedule, I can't attend it. Which bummed me out. But, God is good & faithful. :D Even when I am not.
I went to church with the Kirkwood folks. I didn't agree with parts of the sermon, BUT! for once, I didn't fight it. & I actually listened. It makes me realize how much I've been missing, By shutting down when I don't agree. It really challenges my thinking & it made me WANT to learn. It made me want to wrestle with it & take it apart. It made me want to discover truth for myself. It was sooo good for my heart.
As you may remember, I was having issues with hours at work, Well, yet again, God is so good. :] Not only did I get one new job, I got two. One at Subway, which is fun. Slightly stressful, but overall a good time. The second job, is at Systems Unlimited. It is a non-profit corporation, That cares for people with special needs, (As you may or not know, is a HUGE passion of mine) Also, they service people in the welfare system. If you would like to learn more about Systems, You can check it out online at http://www.sui.org/
On a end note, I have been reading again. This time I'm reading My 30 Days Under the Overpass: Not Your Ordinary Devotional. It is the deviotional version of Under the Overpass, both Mike Yankoski. It has also been challenging me.
What an adventure life is. I am truly blessed to be living it.
Never forget you are loved. -Sammee
P.S. If you are not fully aware of the destruction of the flood in Tennessee, Check out this video. A dear friend of mine lives in this area. To donate to help the people of Nashville, You can text REDCROSS to 90999. When you do, an automatic donation of $10.00 will be made, & charged to you monthly cell phone bill.
As I stated in the last post, March was pretty rough as far as forward motion. April, thus far, has proven fruitful. :D I have been in Cedar Falls two consecutive weekends. Easter & my niece, Jennaveve's dedication. I love going back to see all the old faces I love & miss. It also shows me how much I've grown. Which I forget ALOT of the time.
Onwards to those weekends. I've spent a significant amount of time with family. It was pretty wonderful. I got to see my older sister Janey, & my older brothers David & Micheal. With that come the nieces & nephew. Gentri (20 months), Xavier (6 or 7), & Jennaveve (8 months) Niblits as a certain Hendrickson would say. Speaking of Hendrickson's, Who are family for all intensive purposes. I got to spend some quality time with them. & it was good for the soul.
Outside of weekends, Monticello is treating me well. I've been getting my financial things taken care of. Which makes me wonder why didn't I take care of it in the first place. It was a lesson learned, and I'm fixing it. Unfortunately, work cut hours again. So I have to look either for a second job or another job. Which makes me sad. I really LOVE my job.
My parents are amazing. I'm so blessed to get a second chance with them. (& 5th & 7th) I really don't know how my parents are so patient. I feel sometimes like they are trying to get a brick wall to move. I love them with all my heart, & hope they don't kill me in the process. Thus far, they have succeeded. I'm trying though. & I think it's getting better. So thanks parents for not giving up.
Random side note: I got a new tattoo.
God's up to something. Let's see where we end up. :D With love.
Honestly, March has not been an exceptional month. Not bad. Not amazing. Mediocre. But I've learned quite a bit. I've had quite the attitude this March. I've been apathetic & a bit of crankyness, Which is counter productive from what I want to do.
There are definitely some positives for this month! ............ I am reading through Acts in the Bible. It is absolutely stunning to me, This savior I follow. :D :D :D The thing that stuck out the most, I actually read it today. It is Acts 26-40.
It's where Phillip comes across a man from Ethiopia in a chariot, He had great power. Phillip was told to go up to this man, by God. He did so & the man was reading Isiah. Phillip says to the man "Do you understand what you're reading?" The Ethiopian repsonds "How can I, unless someone guides me?". Then... He asks Phillip to sit with him.... & Phillip does. Phillip answers his questions. & teaches about Jesus.
Then they come across some water, & the Ethiopian says to Phillip "See, here is water. What keeps me from being baptized?" Then Phillip says to him "If you believe with all your heart, you may." .........
To me that is amazing. It makes me question myself. Would I do that if God told me to? I would like to think I would. I pray I would.
It blew me away, That the man, though he was in a high position in the world, He was SO desperate for Jesus, He wanted to be baptized. Not just baptized. But in a random spot of water that he spotted on his chariot.
Amazing.
Oh man.
Also, on a much lighter. I get to see the Rocket Summer on March 31st. :D :D :D :D :D It is probably my favorite band. & I'm sooo pumped. If you have never heard of it. Check it out here. You won't be sorry. :D
March might be over, But I have a feeling April will be EPIC. & it'll make up for March 10 times over.
The people in my life are so amazing. There are so many people who knew me when I was at my darkest. When I knew no hope. Most of my problems were falsified, Yet they accept me & forgive me. It blows my mind. I really didn't expect anyone to talk to me. So thank all of you, who have granted forgiveness & otherwise. You are showing me what God's character is like.
To be honest, I didn't know if I could find community here. (again.) Which means I wasn't trusting God. (again.) Life kind of felt like constant cloudy days. Where the sun peaks through every so often, But it is lacking the nourishment and encouragement. Life was still brilliant & I learned ALOT. Life is just a bit sunnier. It's amazing. I can actually see myself living in Monticello for an extended period of time That's right. I said it. Will it happen? Most likely not. Could I? Absolutely.
Lets see what God has planned. shall we. :D I'm sure it'll be epic. You are loved. ♥
So, life is really enriching lately. Alot of learning is taking place & I really love it. Lent started, and thus 40 days of a commitment. It's super exciting. Take you out of your usual, Makes you a little uncomfortable. But overall, Brings you closer to Jesus. It's pretty sweet.
As far as life goes, This week I'm getting into the swing of having full time hours. To my excitement, I got Rookie of the month & I was asked to do the cleaning at work. Which means more hours & money. :] So of course I accepted. I really LOVE my job!
I have also been reading ALOT. Which is really nice. I can't remember the last time I actually finished a book. In the month of February I've ready two short books. -Just Who Will I Be? by Maria Shriver -The Diving Bell & the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby Both of which were FANTASTIC! Just Who Will I Be? was really good to read, where I'm at in life right now. What I drew from it was that it's not WHAT you are. Or WHAT you do. It's about WHO you are, while you are doing whatever you're doing.
The Diving Bell & the Butterfly was completely different. It is a book litterally written by a man who had a stroke & is a victim of 'locked in syndrome' (click on for a link to what it is) The author of the book could only function his left eye. His speech therapist made a system that he would blink through the alphabet to communicate. That is how he wrote the entire book. It is an incredibly inspiring book. I would recommend it to anyone.
It's hard to fight the fact sometimes, you've become the person you swore you'd never be. Someone who is prideful,selfish,&defensive. I've become that person over an extended period of time. I don't know how. But I did. And I'm the only one to blame. I'm not proud of that at all. I felt it flare up before I moved to Green Bay, then it peaked there, it has plateaued there. This is not the person God designed me to be. I am trying to change. But... You can only get so far without letting God help you. It doesn't matter how much advice your friends and family give you, if you don't let it sink in. It will change. I will have to be patient with myself, and everyone else during the process. It means, getting broke down once again, to become whole.
Honestly, I can't wait. I know it will be uncomfortable, maybe even painful. It's never fun becoming humbled. But it's time to get my big girl panties on and deal with it. You can only get so far by not accepting the truth. I'm embracing it. And God's truth that I can change. And I will change if I ask Him to. Well here goes. I'm asking.
All of this doesn't mean I'm not still completely optimistic. I still totally am. I am still positive.
I appreciate my parents and friends being patient with me. And taking the time to teach me, and feed me, And love me.
It is already February, which means, on the 3rd, I will have lived back in Monticello for a full month. Where has the time gone?! To be honest, it has been really fulfilling to have moved back in with my parents, though it was difficult to leave Green Bay. My life has honestly changed ALOT, most of which has been affected by the guidance of my parents. They have been so good to me. Even though I'm 19, and I haven't been the best to them. They have dealt well with my attitude, and have loved me so much. I am sooooo blessed to have gotten such incredible parents.
I know I haven't been the best at keeping in contact, so I figured this might be a bit easier to help bridge that gap I've been doing a poor job at filling.
Here are some updates.
#1 The first two weeks I got to see my twin brother, and hang out with him. It was AMAZING. He helped cart me around to job interviews and help motivate me when I was feeling discouraged. My parents also helped in this endeavor #2 I got a job! I work for a company called RuffaloCody. I call high school students and do surveys for colleges with them . It's pretty awesome. :] #3 My van is working again thanks to my aunt & cousin. My parents towed it down on a U-Haul trailer and got it to Iowa. Also, they are helping buy me 2 new tires. #4 I found some friends. They are lovely people, most of which I meet at work, but we've hung out a couple of times and it's proved to be fruitful. #5 I'm working on eliminating the debt I've made for myself. My parents have helped me tremendously with budgeting help, and how to work with people. Did I mention how blessed I am to have them?! #6 I've regained my status as big sister, which I LOVE.
I think that's the biggest updates in my life. Jesus is so faithful, even though I have been so unfaithful to Him. :] thank goodness. be blessed.
